iphone with usb-c: unfashionably late
Literally not a single soul asked for this, but here's my thoughts on the recent Apple event, which I watched, hoping with bated breath for some excellent news. My iPhone 13 Pro is in my hand, and I'm itching for an upgrade. I have a considerable Apple ecosystem and am a loyal user - but my deep tech knowledge means that my standards are higher than the Apple shill that eats whatever Tim Cook shits into their gob.
Spoiler alert: It was certainly one of the presentations of all time.
What can I say - they improved the camera, by adding a shortcut key for 2x digital zoom and called it something else. It's just crop in - might as well stick to taking full size photos. Dynamic Island is here to occupy more of our screen space. Base storage in the lowest tier model is still an insult. What really got me goat was that the microphone and flash on the camera bump are aligned left-right, but not top-down. Once you see it you can't unsee it. $899 and the design isn't even consistent.
oh, and it got usb-c.
Just at 2.0 speeds though, so it's really only good at charging. Even when Apple does something right, they still have to screw us over. Apple says you should buy the new iCloud storage instead.
iphone 15 mini
How strange, there's nothing here, but for a middle finger aimed at people who like small phones. Tim Cook says you should get bigger hands.
iphone 15 pro and pro max
Once more, gotta buy the top tier if you want your 5x zoom and a higher base storage tier. It's almost like Apple doesn't like poor people. The 5x is pretty sick, but what if I don't want a large phone? USB-C here too, but they actually could manage USB 3.0 speed here - wew, my lad.
Titanium is cool, but I'll just cover it up with a case anyway. Couple dropped hints about right-to-repair continue to stoke my high hopes that Apple really has turned over a new leaf.
Action button is really cool. I don't know why people want their mute rocker - it's objectively better to have one feature that can be reprogrammed for the user's preference, rather than a single-purpose input a lot of people didn't use. I don't use mine - notifications are what my Apple Watch is for.
What got me goat here was that half the features they "announced", like focal length measured in mm, or Precision Finding, my iPhone 13 Pro already does. Those are software updates coming to a lot more than the 15-series. Seems scummy to me to pretend like you have to buy the new phone to get focal length in mm - it's literally labeled in my camera app today.
Once more, they showed this mysterious user who somehow owns many high end Macs and creative implements, and uses their iPhone as their primary and only camera. I have yet to meet or hear of such a user. I feel like once you have the gear, and the high end Mac, and call yourself a photographer, you probably have a DSLR. I'll have some of what Tim Cook is smoking, please.
The gaming performance bit I will withhold judgement on. We didn't see the game running live on an iPhone, so until we see it, it didn't happen. However, the old internet adage "big if true" applies here. If Apple has really packed a small PC's worth of horsepower into a phone - Nintendo, Valve, and the rest of the handheld gaming market have their work cut out for them. However, we also need half-decent games on iOS for that to happen.
Brighter screen and dimmer dim is cool. This watch really felt like a minimal upgrade - better finding, screen improvements, and no more leather bands. Whoop de doo. Siri on device is cool. Don't know why they packed in even more power, but they did, so that's cool.
Again, my gears are ground at them advertising "better cycling features" like it's part of this watch. It's not - that's an iOS 17 feature. Double Tap, with your fingers, is cool, but it's in iOS 17 on all currently supported watches as an Accessibility feature, as far as I know.
apple watch ultra
The people who would spend more than I do on a computer just for a watch cheer. I grumble about how it's way too expensive.
- iCloud storage base tier finally increases to 50GB. r/datahoarders eyes the 12TB tier with a slight eyebrow raise.
- Prices either stayed the same or went up, depending on your country. The UK and South Pacific weep.
- AirPods got USB-C too.
- We aren't going to talk about the Mother Nature cringe fest. Tim Cook's autofellatio skills continue to improve.
My issue with Apple still remains - I am a loyal customer, but I don't feel well treated. Why does it cost so much to purchase a decent phone? Why are you withholding arbitrary features from lower tier models? Why do your base tiers even exist - if you buy a 128GB iPhone Pro, that fancy camera with the 4k60p video is going to eat that storage so fast the phone might as well be unusable. The "starting price" might as well be a barefaced lie.
For all Apple's accomplishments here, however, I insist you hold your applause. They don't even deserve a "thank you" for delivering basic features like USB-C and base tier iCloud over 5GB, almost 7 years later than they should have. They held out on you because they don't respect their users. We got what we wanted this time - but don't you dare congratulate them for it.
My iPhone 13 Pro remains in my pocket, until Apple's head exits their ass. Ironically, the use of one phone for multiple years of service means my phone is more carbon-neutral than anything they announced today.